Pan Seared Halibut with a Mushroom Consomme

Thank you for tuning in! My name is Courtney, and with the loving encouragement of my wife, I’ve decided to take the leap and start this blog. Writing has always been something I’ve wanted to explore, and now feels like the perfect time to begin.

I’m excited to share my thoughts, experiences, and whatever else this journey brings. Whether you’ve stumbled across this space by chance or are here intentionally, I hope you stick around and follow along. Let’s see where this adventure takes us!

I don’t know if anyone else can bear witness, but as a chef and entrepreneur, the pressure can sometimes be overbearing. And that can be relative to any business owner. We are criticized and somewhat crucified for everything we do from our day to day performance, tough decisions that need to be made ie food cost, labor, sales projections, personnel, etc.

20 years in the industry and through my journey, I’ve endured being overlooked, undervalued, under appreciated, discriminated against, not to mention empty or broken promises. For as long as I can remember its made me believe as if I wasn’t good enough. It’s made me question if I even belonged in this industry. Should I be pursuing something else? And what is that something else? This is all I’ve ever done. This is the only thing I have ever put my time and energy into, ever.

I felt stuck. Witnessing my peers successes didn't make me feel any better, it made me feel more like a failure. What was I doing wrong? I have a great product, I am innovative. But nothing I was doing was materializing in comparison. They had the finances, the resources, connections to make their careers thrive. It got so bad to where it took me into a state of depression, which leaked into my marriage, relationship with my kids (they literally didn’t want to be around me and you know what, I didn’t really care).

The feeling of failure and emptiness my family couldn’t fill. In this emotional and mental state, it lead to self destruction of excessive alcohol and substance abuse. I was spiraling out of control. Anything I could use to numb my pain, I was up for it.

Just when I thought I was ready to give it all up and accept the fact that my life and career was at a crashing dead end, the Lord stepped in. There was a shift, it felt sudden, something that I couldn’t and still to this day can fully understand. The desire to continue towards a downward path started do diminish, it was like he put his arm around me and said, “This is not who you are. You were created to be great and I want you to know that I love you son. With you, I am well pleased”. Matthew 3:17 So be in agreement with me and I will transform you.

Now I have to admit, this was beyond my understanding, it just didn’t make sense, has he not seen what I’ve done? How I’m acting? But the truth is, He will meet you right where you’re at. So to those who have experienced “rock bottom”, I have some good news for you, today is a new day. Just like me, you’re more than capable. Romans 8:17. We are his children, which makes us co-heirs, in other words he has every resource, power, influence, which makes us posses all as well. But take heart, this is a process you must commit to, there will be pain throughout, because there’s no growth without pain. As for me, not only am a better chef and businessman, I’m in position to be a great leader of people, and most importantly a follower of Christ. With him all things are possible.

Photos: Pan Seared Halibut with a Mushroom Consomme

Photographer: Chelsea Ornelas with Haven Collective

Welcome…Beginning Thoughts

Fear to Launch

Chef Courtney